Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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