Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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