You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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