omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
