yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
