first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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