I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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