I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
