well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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