The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
