is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
