My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
