he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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