just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
