at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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