Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
