Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
