If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
