I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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