it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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