are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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