After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
