is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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