Where is the hickey?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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