We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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