just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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