I'm eating all of the evidence.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
