My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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