We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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