you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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