guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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