I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
