Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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