you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
