called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
