she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
