she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
