My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
