he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
