my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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