12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
