we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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