My first STD was from a foam party
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
