the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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