College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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