I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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