I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
