Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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