If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
