and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
