he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
