Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
