so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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