There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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