I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
