Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
