But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
