none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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