lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
