I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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