he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
