yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
