This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We left an ass print on the piano.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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