I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im holly from the hills drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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