I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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